Swinging - Page 2
How do I deal with
the underlying issues are behind your jealousy will be very important in
learning to deal with it. There are three basic premises behind jealousy,
emotions, fear and perception.
We would like to
believe that jealousy is a separate emotion. Jealousy is to emotion, like
black is to color, all encompassing. Jealousy will run the through all your
feelings only to start all over again when you have reached the end. Anger,
fear, hurt, anxiety, sadness, paranoia, and depression, envy, feelings of
inadequacy and exclusion can all emerge, when you are faced with a situation
that you feel threatened by.
It is important to
understand that jealousy is about fear. Fear of the unknown and the new, of
losing the power or control you felt in your relationship. Fear of being left
out or abandoned by some one you thought loved you and your perception of the
I canít give you a
quick fix for this, no one can. It is something you and your partner need to
be open and honest about with each other. In my experience I found it helped
to identify what the cause of the jealousy was and why it made me jealous, it
was usually because I was afraid of some part of my partnersí choices. Being
open and able to discuss anything with my partner made it easy for me to
discover what the root of the problem was. It still happens and it always
will, dealing with it once doesnít mean it canít happen again but knowing that
it can makes the next time easier for me.
When you find
yourself getting jealous, ask yourself a couple of questions. What am I afraid
of? What do I need to make me feel safe? What is the worst that could happen
and what is the real possibility of it happening? With these you can start to
help yourself work through your feelings of jealousy.
There are not real quick and easy answers to anything in this lifestyle. Having the basic tools helps though, and you will soon find jealousy is no longer a thing to be frightened of either.
How do I meet
It is important to
remember that Swinging is primarily a social activity, and meeting other
swinging couples is no different than meeting couples for a drink or just
conversation. The social traits that are key and highly appreciated by the
swinging community are responsibility, friendliness, flirtatiousness,
open-mindedness, and importantly stability in oneís primary relationship.
The best place to
look for swingers is in your local Swing Magazine. They may not be easy to
find but a good place to look is in the local sex boutique. The local sex shop
is also a good place to ask for info in regards to swingers, as they tend to
be associated with sexual open-mindedness. The Internet is fast becoming a
wonderful place to search for information on Swinging Organizations in your
community. You can find swinging in most of the major on line search engines
as well as any of the sexual search engines.
Once you have met
someone who can guide you, attend a few functions, most have dinners or
coffees in order to meet prospective members or for prospective members to
check them out. The level of involvement is up to you and when you feel
Once you have
experienced a little swinging but havenít quite found a couple you clicked
with, you could always try posting an ad in your local magazine or on a
personals site on the internet. This is both rewarding and disappointing. You
can meet some really wonderful people but you can also meet some pretty sleazy
ones as well. Trust your instincts when you meet these people and if you do
meet try and choose a place that is what I call neutral territory. If you at
least meet the potential candidates for a quick coffee you wonít have to feel
guilty if you donít feel comfortable with them.
What is the
etiquette in meeting swingers?
cleanliness is next to godliness. Being clean and neatly attired is always a
good way to make a first impression.
Be polite and engaging and if you are new most couples are very willing to talk to you about their first experience in the lifestyle.
It would probably
be a good idea for you and your partner to stick close to each other, unless
you agreed before hand to mingle and meet more people. Much of this is just
common courtesy and in some ways no different than the way you would behave at
If you are invited
to a house party the hosts will probably inform you of the ďhouse rulesĒ and
you will be expected to abide by them. My rule of thumb is to act the way I
would expect others to act if they were in my home.
If you are invited
and reserve a place at the party and find that something comes up to make
attendance impossible inform you hosts, they may be able to extend an
invitation to another couple if they so wish. The same applies to the invite
as well. If someone is considerate enough to invite you, it is equally
considerate of you to respond to the invitation, not assume that the host knew
you were coming.
for the function you will be attending as well. If it is couple meeting
couple, you may want to consider bringing yourself a towel for clean up or
just to dry of if there is a hot tub or Jacuzzi involved. The same applies if
it is a big swing party, youíll want to be able to clean up afterwards. Keep
your belongings clearly marked and youíll never have to worry about someone
accidentally using your things or vice versa.
Always ask your host if there is anything you can contribute to the party, food, beverages, condoms, and things like that. It is always appreciated and there will always be a use for it.
The bottom line is
that good manners are always appreciated.
I know there are
probably a lot more questions out there but this is a very good starting place
when it comes to swinging. I know there will also be more questions and I will
do my best to answer them or direct you to where you can find some help.
I tried to be as objective as I could with out being to flip or even to serious for that matter. The opinions and feelings in this article are my own and I bear the responsibility for them. I did the best I could with the information I had and found in other resources. I hope the help you in your decision to swing or not.
Real Amateurs all the time!
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